Sha is a former multifandom K-Pop fan who is still a casual listener and passionate about the K-Pop groups she used to stan. Find out more about her story on how she entered and left the fandom as she talks about her experience.
Can you introduce yourself? Where are you from?
Hello! My name is Sharifah, or rather, Sha, and I’m from Singapore, though currently, I’m living in Malaysia. I am an ex-K-Pop fan who used to cheer on her idols fearlessly and passionately, though I may reassure you, I still have a lot of that passion hidden in my heart, that I am willing to share with you.
How and when did you enter the fandom?
I entered the fandom through a friend in 2019! At first, I was really hesitant about liking K-Pop because I am practically known to be that kind of person, who is an over pessimistic pessimist, and probably, if you’ve met me, you would say that I’m a real one at pessimism as well. What can I say, I just expect the worst out of everything! But I try my best to keep optimism in sight as well. How I viewed everything in K-Pop took a turn when I first listened to one of K-Pop’s most iconic songs back then, ‘Kill This Love’, by BLACKPINK. And from then on, I fell into a whirlwind of loving many more K-Pop groups like TWICE, BTS, TXT, Stray Kids and ASTRO. Yes, exactly. I went against my own words of worry, against all odds. Not only was I a girl group stan, but I became a multi-stan as well.
What are the reasons why you love your favorite group?
My favourite group, over the years, have changed multiple times, almost drastically. From having BLACKPINK and TWICE as my favourites, to singling out every other K-Pop group who I didn’t like enough, I ended up with TXT and Stray Kids. My love story with TXT went like this; I fell in love with the discography they had, the cute concepts they performed, with songs like ‘Crown’ or ‘Blue Hour’, and finally decided on giving me a total listen to everything they had ever released, and never to this day will I regret it… It was one of the best choices of my life! To me, TXT has a unique sound and a unique way of displaying concepts as such, and I can never admire them more for the success they have earned over the past few years. Even though we are all still walking together into the future, I am afraid, they have walked ahead and I am left behind. I consider myself to be a MOA who has fallen out, life cut short when I found reasons to have myself furthered away from the K-Pop fandom. I still look at them in pure admiration, and love sometimes. I still cheer on them from afar. But these kinds of things happen, whether it is with a friend, or an entire band you formed an unimaginable, special bond with. With that, I cherish our memories and hold them as long as I can, in my heart. I will never forget the intense rush of dopamine I had watching my first ever concert online, “ACT: BOY”, nor will I forget my first time, sitting in denial of choosing to listen to K-Pop and listening to ‘Crown’ in a public bus, then realising I had fallen in love instantly. TXT will always have a special place in my heart, no matter how long we have parted ways, and how far we have walked away from each other. What is important is the memories, the smiles shared, and the things that we get from each other, to keep until forever. Sincerely, I wish the best for TXT for their years to come. As my MOA era came to an end, I realised, something from K-Pop was still pulling me in, and looked to my right to see, it was my love for Stray Kids- a band whom I solely cannot cooperate with when I look at their concepts, but when I lay my eyes on their personalities, I could say I never loved any other band for that reason the same. And with a dive into their diverse world of music, and their amazing personalities I could never get bored of, I knew I had just sailed a ship, on a long, distant land of District Nine. A ship I would never get off of, all because of a single member, holding me back. And that was, Felix (Lee Felix).
Who caught your attention at first and why?
Don’t get me wrong, it took me a long time to decide on a bias in Stray Kids… Everyone was funny, and amazing in their own special ways, with their own special talents, so I held back a little on finding a bias for three whole months, as a baby STAY. But I admit, the only clear sign, and the first one I seriously remember, is me being seated on my couch, listening to ‘God’s Menu’ because my 8th grade best friend told me to. And when time ticked to Felix’s most iconic line, “Cooking like a chef, I’m a five star Michelin,” I remember myself saying, “He’s cool.” It was the only compliment I remembered clearly, giving to anyone in Stray Kids as I listened to ‘God’s Menu’. Though I did not know, in the matter of seven months, I would find the same guy I called “Cool”, as the only K-Pop idol I would ever tolerate, for what time says, as long as two years, and ticking.
Who is your bias, and why?
My first bias, for the first time, stayed that way and still remains now. Lee Felix is outstanding in every way when it comes to my eyes, and I can never admire someone as much as him. His adorable clumsiness, it makes me smile and feel worried all at the same time. His never-ending passion with being positive, helping people out, and being overall just a good person, makes me admire him so much more and wish I was just as good as he is. The morals he holds, I see completely eye-to-eye. The experiences he shares, they never fail to give me surprise, something to think about, or something to smile at. The way he expresses joy and excitement, is all so sheer and adorable to me that I could never want to hug a person more for being happy. His face, his hair, he could have them all natural and he would still be the most beautiful on this earth. And his freckles are like the stars he could not hold in his eyes, that was spilled and spread over his cheeks. His voice is one that everyone calls extraordinary, though I hope he knows, it is as good as everyone else’s no matter how different it is. I absolutely love his singing, and I get excited every time I know I am listening to his part, whether he is rapping or singing next. Lee Felix tends to bring some sort of excitement, no matter where he goes and brings me, and it is the person that he is, that gives me the reason why I have chosen him to be my favourite K-Pop idol, in the entire K-Pop industry. Not to mention, anyone else I have kept as my favourite only lasted months, but Felix has lasted two years, moving on to three. And I would say, my decision is going to remain that way for a very long time to come. When I say, “I love Felix,” I genuinely mean it in the way that he is amazing, and if I had known him in real life, I would never be hesitant to remind him, every single day.
Can you recommend a fancam, V Live, cover video, cover dance, or individual content video of your bias to our readers?
I watch a lot of Felix’s past V Lives, or recent YouTube lives, at least weekly! I can surely say, every new live brings a new story to be heard, some of Felix’s song recommendations, him being hilariously brutal by eating chicken, in contrast to his SKZOO character, Bbokari, and his beloved ASMR recorded by the microphone he said he was glad he bought, in the most recent live he recorded on Stray Kids’ YouTube channel, as he was closing his live. Yes, I pay insane attention to what he says in his lives, and I always take note of the things he likes and doesn’t like, so don’t be surprised. However, my absolute favourite live has to be the one he recorded on his 20th birthday, back in 2020. It was recorded on V Live, but since V Live shut down about a year ago or so, a STAY decided to upload Stray Kids’ past V Lives on YouTube instead. Here’s the video!
Can you share with us one of your favorite lyrics?
In a song he had co-written and performed himself, along with Sim EunJee, there are the lyrics, “You made me feel as if we wеre complete, But now you’re filled with nothing but conceit, The times we had (Together) were bittersweet (Bittersweet), I miss the days we used to laugh and heal (Laugh and heal), The way you used to touch my soul, Had always kept me whole, You’d always read my text, And ghost me like you wanted me gone”. Yes, I am talking about an entire verse! The lyrics here perfectly portray the way I feel when I get ghosted, which happens pretty frequently, considering I am not prone to be someone’s favourite, despite how interesting I feel I can be at times. But it seriously makes me wonder if Felix has ever been hurt this way to write something like this, and makes me sad to think it could have been why this song exists in the first place. I have many other favourites, but this is what I thought of first. My brain just falls into malfunction, whenever someone asks for my favourite, in a diverse subject of many different things. I just can’t choose, which is the best!
What type of concept do you prefer: cute, dark, sexy, etc?
Here’s the thing. Everyone knows I have the biggest crush on Felix Lee, who is technically in a group that practices dark or sexy concepts, but here’s where it doesn’t clash. The only concept I can come to complete terms with is the cute concept, which became the ultimate reason why I stayed with TWICE and TXT as my favourites for the longest time in my K-Pop fan career. The reason for that being, is dark concepts and sexy concepts make me feel so undoubtedly uncomfortable. I understand how many prefer dark rather than cute, but I am afraid those same people, won’t understand me for being different. People have thrown hatred at me for it in the past. By calling me a “fake fan”, and so much more. But I hope people know that my feelings and words are genuine, I am someone who does not find delight in what most fans do. I hope I can continue being myself in liking the only concept I get along with, which are cute concepts.
What is your best souvenir with your favorite group until now?
My best souvenir has to be, what I call, the “Soulmate Signs” that I share with my favourite K-Pop idol, Lee Felix, that life has never failed to show me. My close friends know all about it; it’s a gift I would like to share with people whom I trust only. Though the start of it all sounds absolutely crazy, and so I feel, it would be nice to share. The greatest of all fates decided to collide with me when September of 2020 had come around, to start things off. I had just gotten into watching K-Drama seriously, for the first time, and by my third K-drama I had found my favourite Korean actor of the decade, from a show I believe many recognize, for having an incredibly handsome male lead, “My ID is Gangnam Beauty”. Yes, if you’ve watched the show or at least heard of it, you would know who exactly I meant, by an incredibly handsome male lead. Cha EunWoo, played the role of my favourite character of the show, Do KyungSeok, the male lead of the show. His performance of it made me like his character so much, that I had to look more into the actor! Soon after, I became a hardcore fan of EunWoo and his band, ASTRO. I learned, and was embraced by surprise as I found that Cha EunWoo had not been his real name this entire time, but Lee DongMin. Not to mention, he used the English name, Felix, while studying a broad in the Philippines when he was younger. Well, oh, well… The name Felix sure does sound familiar, does it not? My love for him then went on for another five months, as I wholeheartedly supported him on his acting journey with another one of his most known performances in his most recent show at the time, called “True Beauty”. My “EunWoo era”, as I call it, seemed to come to an end when the show had ended as well. I began to feel that I was losing interest in him, as I was finding myself even fonder of someone else. Of course that has to be my favourite K-Pop idol to this date, Felix Lee. After watching the show, “My ID is Gangnam Beauty” all over again earlier this year, I found a detail so coincidential, it literally is surreal. Do KyungSeok, has had his birthday mentioned in the show, this entire time. What the date is, you may ask? September 15th, a date many STAYs recognize to be Felix’s birthday as well. I have always wondered, and I still wonder, as I look at our stars, perfectly aligned, how I was fated to like exactly Lee Felix, when the start of it all had been someone whom I thought, would be the one. Simply speaking, it was like I was being passed on from one Felix Lee, to another!
Can you describe your bias in only one word?
I’d say, “YongBok” (Felix’s real name). Felix is the only person I know with the Korean name, “Yongbok”, and when you search for it on google, he is the only one that appears as well. I think his name should perfectly describe him, with its several meanings that can be found all across the internet, along with who he actually is as a person.
For me, my bias is …
Felix is like a best friend, forever to me! He brings me up in life’s challenges with his advice, a lot.
Have you ever made a new friend because of K-Pop?
I’ve made so many! Right when the COVID-19 pandemic was still playing its show and scaring the inhabitants of the earth, I took my time writing fanfiction, like the regular hardcore fan of any media (in my case, it was K-Pop who brought me to writing), and met a few friends, some that I still talk to, even today. But my honest breakthrough with making friends came to light when I joined twitter, particularly, a groupchat on there, that I had found through another friend from Wattpad, back when I wrote fanfiction for fun. In there, I met two of the best, most caring best friends I still keep by my side, (shout-out to Reesey and Bea!) and for once, in the midst of the pandemic, I felt like I had found friends for life. Months, and then a year, had gone by the time I had made so many more friends, including the very friend who asked me to write for this interview! (Thank you so much for this opportunity, Cee aka Christine!) Because of my love of K-Pop and my sheer joy of interacting with people, I have found myself the best group of friends I could ever ask for, and many more experiences and memories I keep deep within my soul with people whom I have interacted with in the past. To those whom I have fallen out with during my time as a K-Pop stan on Twitter, I am sincerely sorry and I am wishing you all the best in your lives!
Are there any words from the members you would like to share?
Felix has given plenty of amazing advice in the past. Words of reassurance too, I am certainly sure many stays have felt peace with the things he has said to make STAYs feel okay at some point. He once told us it was okay to cry, which up till that point, I have believed otherwise because I grew, learning how to keep myself shut and quiet from people who didn’t like to see my emotions. In avoidance of flowing into an emotional state, I would rather share a simple word he often likes to use, that clashes well with my interests. I am sure any stay would notice, he likes to use the word, “Lovely” a lot! Any friend who knows me on more than one social media site would know for sure, my brand has always been “lcvelyyshaa”, for almost as long as they’ve known me. The fun part is, this was never planned. The brand was originally adapted from JiHyo of TWICE, who once called Sana, my bias in TWICE, when I had previously been a fan of them, “Lovely Sha”! I decided to adopt the name as I thought it was adorable, with both of us having the same nickname. From then on, “Lovely” became my word and I began hearing it a lot from my favourite K-Pop idol too. I think it feels nice, hearing Felix use a word I love a lot as well.
Is there anything that K-Pop has inspired you to do?
I have a writing account I am planning to use on Instagram, to promote my story titled “You’re Cute!” which is in fact, inspired by all the K-Pop idols who have been my favourite before, or at least, still are my favourites. The five main characters are Sakura Aiko, who is based on Sana from TWICE, otherwise, myself, then there’s Taijo Ito, her childhood best friend, who is based on TaeHyung (V) from BTS, afterwards, Eren Eichi, Sakura’s apparent academic rival, who is based on my beloved, Cha EunWoo, next there is Felix Lee, Sakura’s soulmate, which yes, is based on Felix from Stray Kids as well, because I could not bear change his beautiful name. Lastly, there is Beom Choi, a boy who brings the entire, magical plot together, based on BeomGyu of TXT. Together, the five fight against the covered secrets of their past, unveiled by the story’s antagonist, Jennie Lee (please note that Jennie Lee is not based on BLACKPINK’s Jennie!), who is seeking for revenge, in result of Sakura’s cruel actions of the past. All while Sakura is being shot love arrows by the four other protagonists, she must learn how to fight back when her true self is revealed, for she is not as good as Jennie has shaped her fake character to be. I have yet to post anything on the account, for as you know, keeping consistent is rather hard, but I’ll try what I can do! You can find me @fluffyyshaa on Instagram.
Is there anything else you would like to add?
Lastly, I would like to completely clarify, about what I said earlier, centering around being an ex-K-Pop fan, in the introduction of this interview. Yes, I have left the K-Pop fandom as a whole for a few months now, and counting. I would no longer consider myself a MOA, nor a STAY, but rather a casual listener for both. Though I have had few complications and disagreements with things like concepts in K-Pop, I still respect and look up to what I once used to love as a young teenager, and hope for the best in the careers of the people who have easily plastered countless and effortless smiles on my face, after all these years. I still check on TXT and Stray Kids every once in a while, listen to their comebacks, and applaud them for their winnings, but I must admit, and I have accepted, that I am no longer what they call, their beloved STAY, nor MOA. I think the brightest of our memories, our achievements, and the lingering bond we once had. But I don’t think I can return, for the sake of my own self.
Sha’s message to Felix:
Dear Felix,
I have written this whole interview, and yet I have not found the right words of everything I want to say to you. You have me speechless. Have you met anyone so amazing, it made you speechless? Well I have, and it’s you.
Dear Felix, have you had any idea how many smiles you put on my face alone, for just being here with me? Not performing, not even while doing fan-service, but merely while you are on, live, telling stories about your day, or even talking about anything at all. I like you for just being you, and for once I find, that is enough. I don’t expect anything from you because you are already as perfect as you are.
Although you may never see this, I am hoping from afar that you will always be safe, happy and healthy. I am hoping so much that you will always stay strong despite the challenges being thrown your way because I know, you can do it.
Thank you, Felix Lee, for being one of the reasons why I still smile, in the midst of all this darkness. In the midst of all my breakdowns, my thoughts of hopelessness once I have fallen into a rabbit hole that looks as unclimbable as the greatest wall on earth. The optimism your character brings only reminds me, only inspires me to be as strong as you are and to hold onto it, because it could ultimately be one of the things to help me out in the end, when I need it.
Perhaps, I find this letter to be oddly structured. I certainly think so, and I think it’s because I really don’t know what to say to you, when I have a million things to thank you and compliment you for. But one thing is for sure, you are the most amazing K-Pop idol, and perhaps even person, I have ever met and I hope you know that, lovely.
Love,
Sha
Disclaimer: Fan Writers’ articles do not represent Kpopmap opinions.